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Four years ago, I walked down a crowded street in Palo Alto with my boyfriend. It was one of the first times I felt brave enough to hold his hand out in public. I was nervous; my palms felt like little swimming pools.
A woman walked towards us and looked disgusted. She shot me one of the nastiest glances I had ever seen. She didn’t need to say what she was thinking; I already knew.
I mustered up the courage to look her in the eyes, and we held eye contact until she passed my shoulder. As she left, I felt upset but proud I was able to confront her gaze.
This was just one of the many times that this has happened to me. Over the past 30 years, there was a lot of teasing, a lot of shame, and a lot of lying to protect myself. I did my best to change myself for the better, and I’m still learning how to live honestly and authentically as I grow older.
I decided to write this song to tell my story as a gay person. It’s been hiding on my laptop for quite awhile, but I’m proud to share it with you guys.
I often need to remind myself that in some countries, you could be put to death for being gay. For all of the LGBT friends out there that are struggling, my wish is that this song gives you some hope. Things will get better, as long as we stay positive, love ourselves, and be proud of who we are. I think some day, people won’t flash us judgey eyes anymore. I don’t know if it will happen in this lifetime, but with every day that passes, we’re one step closer.
Happy pride month, everyone. Thank you for reading this and I love you all. xoxo
Rosendale
Rosendale - this is what it's like to be gay
Written and Recorded by Brian Wang
Guitar Arrangement by Jason Swanson
Guitar Accompaniment by Tony Nguyen (@windmeetswest)
Videography by Mark Balahadia (@balahadiamark)
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Lyrics:
When I was young I felt lonely
I thought I’d never find somebody else like me
In a playground full of big bullies
“You should go and hang out with the girls” they teased
Little jokes and silly names
It’s all fun and games
But now I’m at the bar with all of my good mates
And one of them asks what it’s like to be gay
So I say
People stare when you’re holding hands
And make you feel like you’re only half a man
Strangers flash you crooked smiles
That’s why I don’t get out for more than just a while
People mock and people shame
’Cause they think I’m strange
But I pick the pieces up and just move on
Somehow I find the patience to keep me strong
Now when I turn on the TV
It’s rainbow clouds and and rainbow crowds across the screen
But I have never found my peace
My hidden scars and troubled heart took over me
You don’t know what it feels like
To cry out your eyes
At 4 in the morning when nobody’s around
And you can finally scream out loud and proud
‘Cause people stare when you’re holding hands
And make you feel like you’re only half a man
Strangers flash you judgy eyes (ಠ_ಠ)
That’s why I don’t get out for more than just a while
When you were young you made big plans
But they think you’re damned
So you let the tough guys troll, the haters hate
‘Cause this is what it’s like
What it’s like to be gay
What it’s like
This is what it’s like
‘Cause this is what it’s like
What it’s like to be gay
What it’s like
This is what it’s like
‘Cause this is what it’s like
What it’s like to be gay
You might have clicked this song
‘Cause you thought it’d be happy
Thought you’d get a laugh
Thought it’d be amusing
Well I’m here to tell it like it is
But I still hope and I still pray
Someday things will change
That little boy all alone on the playground
Could really cheer up if he heard this song
‘Cause one day
People won’t stare when you’re holding hands
They’ll love you even if you love another man
You’ll put on your own big smile
And spread it across the world for a million miles
You’ll hold on to your big plans
And you’ll understand
You have all the power you need
To make a change
And show the whole world what it’s like to be gay
This is what it’s like
‘Cause this is what it’s like
What it’s like to be gay
Oh oh
‘Cause this is what it’s like
What it’s like to be gay
What it’s like
This is what it’s like
‘Cause this is what it’s like
What it’s like to be gay
What it’s like
This is what it’s like
‘Cause this is what it’s like
What it’s like to be gay
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More music:
Listen to my song "No Friends" here! https://biglink.to/nofriends
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